


La La Lost You

by ninthdreamie



Series: 1SSH [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, in which we see yukhei cope with a breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21756748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: Shortly after he stops crying does he realize that during the last few months of their relationship, Renjun actually showed signs that he wasn’t happy anymore. He didn’t think about it any further; it will only make him cry even more.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: 1SSH [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568077
Kudos: 28





	La La Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo, this was originally posted in twt, but i wanted to post it here and continue the 1 song, 1 story, 1 hour challenge here as well so here it goes!!!
> 
> (i’ll try to make smth fluffy for luren soon i promise)

**_You would know if you stayed._ **

**_You would know if you put up a fight._**  
  
  
—

“So how have you been?”

The question comforts Yukhei, but at the same time, it irritates him. Maybe because the person asking that very question has not seen him in two weeks. Maybe because the people around him are treating him like he’s weak, thinking he could break down at any moment.

But he isn’t even sure if he is okay. _Am I okay?_ He asks himself. Such a simple question and he’s giving it too much thought. _Am I okay?_

It’s unintentional, he didn’t plan to respond in this way, but the silence breaks when he lets out the heaviest sigh. He sounded tired, as if he carried bulky objects for hours. He sounded sad, as if he lost someone he loved so much.

But that’s the thing: he _lost_ someone he _still_ loves.

Guanheng nods, as if he understood that. He doesn’t ask any further, just eats his lunch in silence. Yukhei isn’t used to this kind of atmosphere. It used to be so loud, so chaotic, so fun, so memorable.

Until Renjun left for New York, that is. Until he told him one humid summer afternoon that he was leaving him too, that he was leaving what they had right in this place.

Two months ago still feels like yesterday, sadly.

Sometimes—no, _most_ of the time, Yukhei wonders what would have happened if Renjun chose to stay in the relationship. He wonders what would the present be like if he didn’t give in to his fear of them being so far from each other.

Would he still end it, somewhere in between?

“I really miss him.” Guanheng mutters as he eats his lunch, his eyes glassy. “I miss my best friend.”

Yukhei gulps the lump down his throat, feels his heart ache, feels his eyes sting. At least Guanheng is still one of Renjun’s constants. _Unlike me_.

He doesn’t say it out loud, that he misses him. What’s the point when they’re already over?

—  
  


**_Hope New York holds you, hope it holds you like I do._ **

  
  
—

Another two weeks have passed, and everything seems fine. Everyone around him is coping with the stress that college offers, which is good. Good for them. He wishes he could say the same.

He is not fine at all. He has not been in the comfort room in awhile. The last time he was in a cubicle was because his mom called, and hearing her voice felt like a warm hug and that’s what Yukhei needed in weeks.

Now he is here, crying his eyes out, wanting for the hurt to be over. He just wants to stop _crying_ over someone who doesn’t want him back. He just wants to get him out of his mind so easily.

Seeing Renjun’s latest Instagram post smiling in the streets of New York makes him so mad. It’s so unfair.

He does not punch the walls surrounding him. Instead, he presses his palms against the flat surface, hoping that it would ground him. Hoping that it’s going to hold himself together because he feels everything in him falling apart.

Everything feels so heavy. _Three_ years, and he gave him everything. Who would have thought that in three years, it would all lead to this?

New York makes him happier, Yukhei concludes. He continues sobbing, forgetting that he still has a lecture to go back to.

Shortly after he stops crying does he realize that during the last few months of their relationship, Renjun actually showed signs that he wasn’t happy anymore. He didn’t think about it any further; it will only make him cry even more.

—  
  


**_If I’m honest, I’d call, but I’m trying to let go._ **  
  


—

Yukhei realized that he has been lacking a lot of shirts the moment he opened his small closet. Thinking that he probably still had more, he opened the rest of his bags and checked every part of them, only to see that he had nothing else anymore.

Only as he decides to not wear a shirt to sleep did he remember where most of his shirts went.

They all went to Renjun.

He already had his phone on his hand. He was ready to call him, just to ask for his shirts back. But then he remembered that he was in New York, and time zones are confusing, and that they’re over.

Damn, Renjun really forgot to return his clothes, huh? Isn’t that what ex-couples do? They return things they’ve lent or given to each other, right? Why didn’t he do that?

_You know what_ , Yukhei glares at the ceiling. _He can have them._

It’d be harder to move on if Renjun gave them back. He could always buy new ones at the thrift shop just near uni. He could do that. The last thing he wants is something that would remind him of the love that they had...if there ever was any of that.

—

**_And I hope you’re happy, living life in taxis. But you’ll always have me._ **

**_You’ll always have me._ **

—

_Yukhei, hi._

The message came up only six seconds ago. It has been awhile since he received a message from him. To be more specific, it’s been four months since he did.

He just stares at his phone screen, wondering how he could respond to such a text. If he messaged him like this months ago, he would have had a long list of questions formed in the blink of an eye. If he messaged him earlier, he would act on his impulse and reply back.

But now that his mind is clearer—the clearest it has been in months, he wonders what would Renjun text him for.

A part of him hopes that maybe this text message would be a start to something being rekindled. But most of him knows better now; there’s nothing to revive between the two of them.

There’s nothing left for the both of them anymore. As much as he still loves Renjun, he doesn’t see them getting back together. He doesn’t see them going back to the way it used to be.

At least Renjun is happy now. He still sees his Instagram stories, the self-indulgent artworks he creates that might end up in art exhibits one day. He somehow still gets to know how he is doing through Guanheng, who would always run his mouth about his best friend who’s having the time of his life.

Yukhei is still far from happy, but he is getting there. He doesn’t cry as much as before, but at least there is progress. He’ll get there soon.

And Renjun probably doesn’t mind if he replies later, he thinks as he puts his phone back on the table, and takes a sip of his coffee.


End file.
